Information for Friends and Family of Someone Experiencing Domestic Abuse

Discovering that someone you care about is experiencing domestic abuse can be a distressing and overwhelming experience.

As a friend, family member or colleague, your support and understanding can play a vital role in helping them navigate this difficult situation.

The following information provides some guidance on how you may be able to support your loved ones, whilst recognising that every situation will be unique.

It should be remembered that the fault for abuse lies firmly with the person who is undertaking the abuse and not with the victim-survivor.

Recognising the Signs:

One of the first steps in supporting someone experiencing domestic abuse is recognising the signs. These signs may include physical injuries, depression, anxiety, isolation, frequent absences from work or social activities or changes in behaviour. More detail about the signs can be found at www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse

Listen Non-Judgmentally and Validate Feelings:

Creating a safe place for the person to share their experiences is crucial. Listen attentively, without judgement or blame, and let them know that you believe and support them. Validating their feelings and experiences can help them regain their confidence and trust their own judgement, which may have been undermined by the abuser.

Respect their Autonomy and Choices:

Whilst it is natural to want to intervene and take control of the situation, it is essential to respect the person’s autonomy and empower them to make their own decisions. Understand that leaving an abusive relationship is a complex and highly personal process. Instead of pressuring them to leave, focus on providing information about available resources and supporting them in their decision-making process.

Encourage Professional Support:

Encourage and support the person in seeking seek professional help from organisations specialising in domestic abuse, such as the Wokingham Domestic Abuse Support Service (0118 402 1921). These professionals can provide guidance, safety planning and emotional support tailored to the individual’s unique needs. See Sources of Support (www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse)

Help Create a Safety Plan:

Developing a safety plan is crucial for individuals experiencing domestic abuse. The domestic abuse services can assist in creating a unique plan for the individual based on their situation and help your family member or friend feel more in control of their situation. As a family member or friend, you can also help with this process as the person thinks through how they can identify safe places to go if the situation is escalating or they are in fear, considering if it is safe for an emergency bag to be packed and stored somewhere safe, documenting evidence of abuse and establishing a code word or signal for emergencies. For more information see www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse

Be Patient and Available:

Supporting someone through domestic abuse is a long-term commitment. It is essential to be patient, understanding and available whenever they need to talk or seek support. Recognise that leaving an abusive relationship can be a process that takes time and your continued presence and support can make a significant difference in their journey.

Take Care of Yourself:

Supporting someone through domestic abuse can be emotionally draining. It is crucial to prioritise your own well-being and seek support for yourself as well. Reach out to your support network (if safe to do so), support services or helplines that can provide guidance and assistance in coping with your own emotions.

Useful Telephone Numbers and Websites:

Wokingham Domestic Abuse Service (can offer guidance for those worried about someone else): 0118 402 1921

IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 999